K.P. Anderson

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Pam and Tommy:

“There’s a tape of Pam Anderson fucking Tommy Lee? Yeah, I’ll watch that.”

Paris Hilton:

“Wait, there’s a tape of people fucking at the Hilton in Paris?…There’s a Hilton woman named Paris and she’s fucking someone…Yeah, I’ll watch that.”

Kim Kardashian:

“Who is Kim Kardashian?…How is that possible? If she’s a celebrity, why don’t I know who she is?…Of course I remember OJ…OK, one of the lawyers…He died? That’s Johnny Cochran…Oh, the other guy…How?…Oh, that’s terrible, the poor bastard…But he had a daughter?…And she’s fucking someone?….Wait, she’s fucking Bruce Jenner?….Sorry, I got lost…Who is Ray J?…Who is Brandy?…OK, so the dead lawyer from the OJ trial’s daughter is fucking Brandy’s brother…Yeah, I’ll watch that.”

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Photo by Dan-Cristian Pădureț on Unsplash

Daughter: Hey, what are you up to?

Me: Not much. Was just out back with the dog, now I’m gonna read a book.

Daughter: Cool. Do you mind if I interrupt? There’s something I want to talk to you about.

Me: Sure. What’s up?

Daughter: I decided to change my major to Applied Physics because…(DAUGHTER PROCEEDS TO TALK ABOUT PHYSICS FOR 20 MINUTES. 20 MINUTES!!!!)…What do you think?

Me: I think it’s time you learned that when I go out back with the dog I smoke some pot. What?

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